The Spoof - American Nazi Party Turns Over New Leaf

Oregon Aryans are done being spiteful, self-absorbed hate mongers, at least according to Ed Krappler, Oregon's chief of the American Nazi Party (NSM). And to prove it, Krappler says, all Oregon Nazis will only do good deeds from now on. Good deeds such as staffing soup kitchens, working with troubled youth, helping people to overcome cross-cultural and cross-racial differences -- and cleaning up highways. Krappler said he had a life-changing experience when performance-enhancement expert Phil Towle appeared at a workshop for top echelon Nazi Party members. Towle is best known for his ground-breaking work with the heavy-metal band Metallica. "Towle made me see things about myself that I had always been too afraid to face," Krappler said, smiling. "It wasn't the Jews and the Blacks and all the immigrants that were making my life miserable. It was my fear of intimacy. When I said I was proud to be Aryan, I didn't really know what that meant. And I didn't want others to find out, because they might see something they could shame me with. And so I responded with hostility, when all I wanted was someone to love me just for who I really was." Darren Osborn, another NSM official said he would like people of all colors, creeds, and persuasions to smile when they see a swastika scribbled on a bathroom stall. And when a jackbooted skinhead gives a Korean grocer the Nazi salute, Osborn said, that should be a happy, cross-cultural encounter – not an impending act of domestic terrorism.